i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
