omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
