My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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