i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
