??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
