plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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