If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
