I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
