please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
