I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
