I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
