In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Actions speak louder than pants.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
