ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
