Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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