i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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