Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
