I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
