He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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