I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
