he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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