I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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