You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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