She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
