Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
