she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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