Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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