I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize