I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
