Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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