Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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