They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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