he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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