you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
