sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
