i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
