Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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