i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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