So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
