Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
