I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
