apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
