I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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