sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
