She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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