dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
