We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
