oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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