idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
