Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
