I think i peed on brittanys purse
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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