its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
