This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize