You're so nebulous sometimes
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
