We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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