Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
