Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
