Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
