Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize