i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Randomize
