you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
