i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she smelled like a LAN party
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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