i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
