i jhust puked up my retainher.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
