But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
