plz talk dirty to me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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