Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize