Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
