C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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