Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
two words...techno handjob
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
