I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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