whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
