Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
