The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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