i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
