is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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