i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
did i just pee glitter
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
