My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He better not be in your backpack
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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