Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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