I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
