Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
