I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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