I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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