I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
