I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
