he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
