Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
