I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
