Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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