I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
