How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
