How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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