I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize