oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
