I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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