So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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