i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
