the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
