I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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