I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
