My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
